They just don’t make stuff like they used to.

If this thing keeps smelling this way I’m going to have to hose it down.

Or maybe ask for a refund.

By now, it should be common knowledge that babies are born ugly and/or goo-covered little things. Often both.

The sooner a kid is able to learn self-reliance, the better.

Having a lot of kids is overrated.  C’mon, people, how about a little self-control!

Think of all those starving people with no children!

Isn’t it soooo cute, don’t you just want to squeeze those little cheeks.

We’ll have to build it a pen outside.

I’ve heard tales of the dreaded infant.

Oh the legends that hark of its dark powers.

How it flays the skin off men with barbed tentacles or how it breaths gouts of acidic fluid which burns like flaming pitch.

Go on, laugh while you can.

You’ll not find much to laugh about when the infant has you.

Babies. Who gets those beastly things?